Puppies, oh so cute. Their playfulness and clumsiness is the best. The kisses they give and the laughs they provoke are irreplaceable. If you can't smile at a wagging tail or a sloppy tongue, your attitude is probably shitty. They are amazing, nonjudgmental companions. They don't care if you're without makeup, in yoga pants, or if you are rocking an ugly crying face. OK, they do care about the latter because your best friend would never be happy with such a situation.
My dogs, the other kids. I was strictly an animal mom for decades, I remember my husband saying I would love my son more. I strongly disagreed. I would like to now say he was right. Don't go getting bent out of shape, my pets are loved and are far from neglected. Just take a look at my checking account and you will see. These lovely kids of mine run me around $500 a month. This number is only inclusive of basic needs like joint supplements, multivitamins, food, flea treatments, heartworm meds, anti-inflammatory pills, Zyrtec, and wellness plans. This number doesn't include grooming, vaccinations, special injuries, etc. I might add that specialty urinary tract dog food comes at $60 for 17 pounds. Yes, 17 pounds. My girl that requires this food weighs 100 pounds so needless to say, we go through quite a bit. Oh, and let's not forget the weekly cleaning lady because there is no way I can keep up with four animals(and a baby and a more than full time job). But, they do greet me with happiness and some serious love when I merely enter the room, so it's worth it. I guess. A paid for posse of sorts. They also provide affection and support at all times which is cheaper than a counselor. Or is it? Never mind, it isn't.
Let's not forget about the cats. One of them is very dog like and oh so sweet. I would like to thank him for being wonderful. Love you, Bert. Now, on to the asshole. Not once has he met me at the door or looked at me with adoration. He is only loving when he wants a treat. To top it off, he will shit on anything that is left on the floor (towels, sheets, shirts, my sister-in-law's robe). He will also shit on rugs so the bathroom doors remain closed. Today he went ahead and upped his game big time. I apparently shut him in the bathroom(due to me having to close the doors to avoid him crapping on the rugs). I opened the door to use the restroom and all hell broke loose. I stepped, bare foot, in a steaming pile of cat shit. It startled me and I jerked my foot, flinging shit on the side of the toilet. All the while, my son is pushing the door open. Cat crap between my toes and all over the bathroom. Just fucking awesome. He was in there no more than an hour yet he crapped about a month's worth. This cat has three litter boxes that are properly cleaned (thanks, honey), making these antics far from necessary. He has had several automatic litter boxes as well. He is never happy. Total dick. Last year at my baby shower, people visited my son's room. It wasn't until after they left that I noticed I had been parading them around a pile of shit that he had perfectly placed in the baby's bouncer. Shout out to Mattel for sending a new one for free. These cats cost a pretty penny too, especially with the rug cleanings and replacements.
So, why in the hell do I continue to go through this? I did make an unspoken promise when I rescued these four critters. My animal vows I guess. I will take care of them through better or worse, no matter what the price tag. Although I swear off adding new animals in the future, I somehow doubt that will last as my son sure does love them and as corny as it is, they rescued me. At least the dogs did. Fuck those cats.