We recently took a Western Mediterranean vacation and included our one-year-old son. Just how did we do it and how could we possibly have had any fun? Really, it's not complicated. We visited some amazing places and we love our family. From the remarks I received from a few people, you would have thought I ran down an old lady with my fucking car. I was told "we take vacations for us adults and the kids separately." Good for fucking you. I don't recall asking and honestly, I could care less. Why are you even putting your nose where it doesn't belong (again)? I will send your participation medal in the mail. Go away and permanently leave me alone. Please.
Having our son with us was great as we one, love him and two, were glad to spend some time with him. While I am grateful to work from home, there are some misconceptions about it. Yes, I really do work. A lot. I am not playing with my son all day or baking cookies. Paychecks don't appear unless I earn them. It was nice to have some uninterrupted time with my family. Someday our son will know we loved him enough to lug him to Europe where he spent his first birthday eating escargot in Barcelona. Haters gonna hate.
The first night of our cruise was lovely. Since I am still nursing (gasp again - my son is over one now), I had to get a script for some motion sickness patches instead of taking my normal Dramamine. I woke up at about 10 pm to a boat that was swaying like a mother fucker. We later found out it was due to a storm that contained 80 mph winds. I was so extremely sick that I: puked for three hours, had to call my mother in law to come hold my hand (literally) while I puked and puked and puked, had to put two patches on AND take a pill to finally get it to stop. It. Was. Horrible. All the while, David was screaming his face off because he wanted to nurse (and he got to while I was hugging the toilet). You are welcome for that image. The next day, my vision was blurry. Like I needed bifocals overnight. I thought I must be dehydrated and drank about $50 worth of water and PowerAde over the next 24 hours. I started getting scared that I was going blind (of course). Come to find out once we returned and I went to my eye doctor, it was a side effect of the patch.
I had to spend some time on our third excursion day locating a suitcase since mine lost a wheel on the trip. This really pissed me off as I thought I did adequate research and didn't buy a cheap suitcase but that was not the case. POS. We also had a major miscommunication with the tour guide and ended up being 14 minutes late to meet the group although we waited for 20 minutes in the wrong location. Yeah, picture us running with a baby, stroller, and a big ass suitcase (thank God I found one) to a boat full of pissed off people. To say the tour guide was a bitch is an understatement. Please fill in a stronger word of your choice. We went ahead and told her to shove her tour up her ass, went back to the boat, and played ping pong. It was lovely. I also learned that my mother in law is quite the ping pong player. She nearly beat me.
The next tour day, we were eating a beautiful lunch in Sicily when we realized that we totally misread the time and we had to be back to the bus in two minutes. TWO FUCKING MINUTES. Those who know me know I am never late for anything so two days back to back was pretty much Hell. One moment we were sitting there ever so leisurely; discussing which type of carbonated water is our favorite and why, and the next I was running through the streets with a baby strapped to my chest. We were four minutes late with this tour but we were greeted with cheers. That's more like it.
Three countries and 10 days of bliss. I didn't turn my cell phone on once. David turned one in Barcelona, also accompanied by his grandparents, and my son's first dessert of his life was gelato at Trevi fountain in Rome. We stayed in a terrace that overlooked the Grand Canal in Venice. We used a private water taxi, we had AMAZING food, and David did not get touched inappropriately at the Vatican. We splurged (twice) to eat and drink at the oldest continuously running coffee house in the world. We saw the beautiful landscapes of the Amalfi Coast, Barcelona, the French Riviera, Sicily, Rome, and Venice. David and I climbed (by bus) our first volcano. I got all kinds of sugar on his head from the amazing cannoli we had once at the top. We relaxed, loved, and my husband showed me a part of the world I had never seen. I am thankful for all the mishaps as they make for great memories and stories to tell our son someday. We are now planning our next trip. David included of course.